I usually write these style of posts from a “we” or “us” perspective. Today it’s “I”.
Lately self-doubt has been creeping in, slowly. Like an infestation of ants.
Self doubt can have me questioning everything.
Should i do this? Should i do that? Can i do this? Can i do that? Do people like me? Do i like me?
Self-doubt strips confidence, crushes dreams, and steals happiness.
Self-doubt can make me feel incredibly guilty at times.
The love, happiness and opportunities i have had in life. A healthy little boy, a loving and supportive family, a great bunch of friends. Sometimes I find myself not feeling worthy of any of them.
I think it happens to us all, we have times in our life when we doubt ourselves.
Judging and studying every little thing we do. Questioning every action, and reaction.
Thinking what we have done is wrong.
It can consume, and over time leave us feeling sad, drained, unhappy and unworthy.
This isn’t the first time i have felt like this, and I doubt it will be my last.
I know my triggers.
The terrorist attacks and other tragedies that have happened recently, they leave me feeling incredibly sad. They leave me feeling scared. This then turns into guilt, guilt, because I have so much joy, and some are dealing with such tragedy.
I also find another trigger is when I achieve and succeed, either with work, my blog or personal factors.
After the buzz and nostalgia fades, i can feel guilty and down. I can feel like i don’t really deserve it.
The commitment, drive, motivation, the tears, the hard work, i forget all about that. Because well, self-doubt has reared its ugly head.
Whenever my family and friends feel like this, which they do. (This is the only thing that keeps me sane, the fact I am not alone).
I can dish out motivational guidance and thought-provoking action plans, like no tomorrow.
I don’t understand how they could feel so unworthy? They are amazing in my eyes.
Yet i treat myself so badly.
I decided to share this post, as I think it is important to share, not only the good feelings we experience, but also the bad.
It’s okay to share our insecurities, it’s okay to not always feel confident, motivated or achieve.
It is okay to not always believe in yourself.
I think i need to learn to accept this fact.
Deep down, i know i am worthy of everything in my life.
I now must choose to not believe self-doubt.
Negative thoughts are not necessarily true, unless we choose to believe them.
The life i lead is the truth, and i choose to believe i am worthy.
Worthy of all the amazing, wonderful and beautiful aspects of it.
As should you.